Shame and Guilt in Recovery

How to Overcome Shame and Guilt in Recovery

While guilt and shame are common feelings during the recovery process, they can become overwhelming and difficult to manage if they’re not addressed. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to help you overcome these emotions and focus on what matters most: your recovery. 

Attend Therapy and Counseling

One way to deal with shame and guilt during recovery is by attending therapy or counseling. A trained therapist can help individuals understand where their feelings come from, how they affect their life, and how to respond to them in healthier ways. Here are common therapies that may be beneficial for those in recovery: 

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helps shift negative self-perceptions by replacing self-critical thoughts with more compassionate and realistic ones. 
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) provides tools for managing intense emotions and learning healthier ways to handle guilt and shame. 
• Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) encourages individuals to accept difficult feelings while focusing on values and meaningful actions. 
• Mindfulness-based stress reduction helps people become more aware of their emotions and respond to them with greater self-compassion. 
• Motivational interviewing uses open-ended questions to explore personal motivations, affirms strengths to build confidence, and reflects on a person’s perspective of their addiction. 

Group therapy and 12-step programs also reduce feelings of isolation and create a sense of belonging as they allow those in recovery to share their experiences in a safe, understanding space. Benefits include: 

• Connecting with others in recovery helps individuals realize they’re not alone. 
• Hearing others share their struggles and successes can make it easier to open up about personal experiences. 
• Sharing stories within a group encourages connection and normalizes feelings of shame and guilt, which can help individuals feel understood and supported. 

Additionally, research shows that the skills learned in therapy can continue to make a difference long after the sessions end. By learning to use tools like recognizing and reframing negative thoughts, managing emotions, and handling triggers, individuals are better equipped to stay on track and overcome hurdles they may encounter on their recovery journey.     

Practice Self-Compassion and Mindfulness

Practicing self-compassion and mindfulness can help those in recovery deal with tough emotions, like guilt or shame, in healthier ways. Research shows that when people treat themselves with kindness and stay present in the moment, they’re less likely to rely on substances to cope. 

Here are some ways to practice self-compassion and mindfulness: 

• Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend. If you’re being hard on yourself, pause and choose more supportive and loving words. 
• Write yourself a letter of encouragement. Imagine what someone who cares about you would say, and put it into words you can revisit when you need a little boost. 
• Try mindfulness meditation. Spend a few minutes focusing on your breath and letting your thoughts come and go without judgement. Guided meditations can help if you’re new to this. 
• Keep a gratitude list. Jot down a few things you’re thankful for each day as a way to gently shift your mindset. 
• Use grounding techniques when your emotions are too much to handle. Try noticing five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. 
• Practice positive affirmations. Remind yourself that you’re trying your best and deserve patience and care. 
• Take time to do something that makes you happy or calm. Consider going for a walk, listening to music, or reading a book. 

Over time, these habits can help you feel more at peace with yourself.  

Forgive Yourself and Others

Addiction might leave people feeling guilty or ashamed, but it’s important to remember that you’re not defined by your mistakes. You’re human, and like everyone else, you’re allowed to learn, grow, and move forward. 

Self-forgiveness helps you let go of the blame you may carry. It allows you to focus on the progress you’re making instead of being weighed down by the past. Forgiving yourself can also improve your relationships. When you’re caught in self-blame, it’s easy to rely too much on others for reassurance and support. Research shows that the more people dwell on their mistakes, the less likely they are to apologize or repair the damage.

Forgiving yourself is important, but so is forgiving others. Holding onto anger or resentment can keep you stuck in a cycle of negative emotions, which increases the risk of relapse as a way to escape those feelings. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you condone someone else’s behavior, but it does give you the emotional space to heal.