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When someone begins their mental health or addiction treatment at Mission Harbor Behavioral Health, there are many different tools they can use to support their recovery. Family therapy and group therapy allow people to learn more about interpersonal communication and having healthy relationships. By learning how to set healthy boundaries, individuals can improve their treatment outcomes.
The relationship between parents and their children is fundamental to the child’s health and personal growth. During adolescence, this relationship begins to shift as teenagers seek more independence and freedom from their parents. At the same time, teenagers still need their parents to set boundaries and give emotional support.
Having healthy relationships is important for the teenager’s social, mental and emotional health. As the adolescent grows up, they have to learn how to have healthy friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships. By setting boundaries, teens can improve their treatment outcomes and personal happiness.
What Does Setting Boundaries Mean?
Before someone can learn how to set healthy limits in their relationships, they need to learn the answer to, “What are healthy boundaries?” Boundaries are defined as rules, limits or guidelines someone sets for how other people will act around them. These boundaries show the safe, reasonable ways loved ones, friends and other people can behave. If someone behaves in a way outside of these limits, then the individual will respond and tell them their behavior will not be tolerated.
For many people, personal boundaries are hard to define. Each person has a different definition of acceptable behavior, so adolescents have to learn how to convey these differences to their partners, friends and family members. With boundaries, the adolescent can determine the kind of behavior and communication they think is acceptable.
Why are Boundaries so Important?
Learning how to set boundaries is important for a variety of reasons such as:
When someone sets boundaries, they should not apologize or justify their decision. Each person has personal boundaries, and no one should get angry with them over those limits. Instead, the individual should calmly, clearly communicate their boundaries.
Adolescents have to learn that they are not responsible for the way other people respond to their boundaries. Their job is to communicate in a respectful manner. If the other person becomes upset, then that is the other person’s issue. When someone is a negative influence, they may be manipulative, abusive or controlling. In these situations, the adolescent must learn how to remain firm about their personal boundaries.
How a Lack of Boundaries Affects Self-Esteem
Learning how to set clear boundaries is important for the individual’s confidence and self-esteem. When someone has a high level of self-esteem, they often have well-defined boundaries as well. Setting boundaries gives someone a permeable barrier that allows them the freedom to act without having to accept demeaning, negative or harmful behaviors from other people.
When someone does not have healthy boundaries, they are more likely to let other people push them around. Teenagers may succumb to peer pressure because they want to fit in. If they do not have boundaries, they may allow other people to ridicule, tease or demean them because they cannot stop negative behaviors from happening.
By defining acceptable behavior, teenagers show their peers what types of actions they are willing to tolerate. This helps the teenager build their confidence and self-esteem. Through setting boundaries, teenagers are able to meet their needs in their relationships and safely explore their independence.
What happens when you don’t set boundaries?
Unfortunately, when teens don’t learn to set boundaries, there can be consequences that extend beyond low self-esteem. One of the effects of having poor boundaries is codependency, which occurs when a person is so focused on pleasing others that they ignore their own needs. An adolescent who becomes codependent may repress their own emotions and feelings in order to avoid conflict and make other people happy. For instance, they may do things that make them uncomfortable or go against their values simply to get acceptance from peers.
A study with codependent people found that these individuals were passive in their close relationships and felt obligated to change themselves to fit in with others. They also did not have a clear sense of self and had difficulty differentiating themselves from other people. Ultimately, this sort of behavior is harmful. A teen who has poor boundaries and shows signs of codependency will neglect themselves, fail to engage in self-care, and harm their own mental health just for the sake of others.
How a Lack of Boundaries Can Lead to Resentment
Families and loved ones play an important role in the treatment process. Through options like family therapy and parent coaching for adolescents, individuals can learn how to have healthier relationships. In the right program, individuals and families are able to heal together.
Many people struggle to express their boundaries in family and romantic relationships. Unfortunately, this can lead to resentment over time. The individual may also feel guilty, angry or isolated because of their relationship issues.
For example, one partner may be unwilling to have a physical relationship right away. If they feel pressured to do physical gestures, they may resent their partner and feel angry about being rushed in the relationship. This is unhealthy for the individual and unfair for their partner. By learning how to set healthy boundaries, people can prevent negative feelings from harming their relationships.
Sometimes, people struggle to set boundaries for the following reasons.
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
If you’re wondering what healthy boundaries look like, here are some signs that you may be lacking healthy boundaries in your relationships:
On the contrary, examples of healthy boundaries include:
The Importance of Boundaries for Addiction Recovery
During substance abuse treatment, it is important for clients to get mental health and relationship treatments as well. Often, relationship issues and mental health disorders fuel a substance abuse problem. People may use their addiction to self-medicate for the resentment, anger or guilt they feel in their relationships.
Once someone learns the answer to “What are healthy boundaries?”, the next step is figuring out how to set these boundaries. For example, people need to set firm boundaries with their friends about drinking and using drugs. They need to tell their peers they will not be around them if there are any drugs present.
Boundaries also need to be set with family members. If a relative drinks heavily, the individual needs to talk to them. During recovery, it is important to stay away from people and situations that involve drinking or drug abuse. Otherwise, the individual is more likely to relapse.
Setting boundaries in all of your relationships is a critical component of addiction recovery in general. For example, if you have difficulty setting boundaries in your relationships, you may take on more than you can handle, or neglect your own needs, ultimately leading to distress. If you are faced with high levels of stress and anxiety, you may return to using drugs and alcohol to cope. Neglecting your own self-care because you are not setting boundaries with others can also lead to relapse. Recovering from addiction and a mental health disorder requires you to prioritize your needs, which means that setting boundaries with others is non-negotiable.
In drug and alcohol treatment, a therapist can work alongside you to help you set healthy boundaries in your relationships. Through therapy, you can learn to change unhelpful thoughts and feelings, such as feelings of guilt and worthlessness that may lead you to ignore your boundaries and neglect your needs. In treatment, you can become more comfortable with standing up for your needs and expressing your emotions to others.
No one has to deal with a mental health disorder or addiction on their own. At Mission Harbor Behavioral Health, you can get the therapies and treatments you need to gain control of your life again. To learn more about how we can help, contact us today.
The facilities at Mission Harbor are staffed with trained experts to best assist patients with their mental health issues. We are capable of dealing with any and all cases with a licensed staff, equipment, and approved techniques. Our mission is to help those who want to help themselves, and we support your decision in seeking help.
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